Did you spend more time …..

Designing your wedding cake than planning your divorce?  Think about that for a minute.  As a consumer you would ALWAYS WANT TO BE INFORMED about the product you are buying.  If you were buying a wedding cake you would spend hours talking about the cakes color, texture and layers.  You would want to talk about the size of the cake because you would need to make sure there were enough servings for your guests.  You would want to make sure that the cake matched the theme of your wedding celebration.  The questions could go on and on.

Parents walking to divorce attorneys office are not informed consumers.  They do not understand their choices as it relates to litigation, mediation or collaboration.  They do not understand how their choices will impact their children NOR do they understand how their divorce will impact their life in the short and long term.

Kids First Parents Second’s Transitions magazine is designed as a resource to help parents understand their choices PRIOR to engaging in the divorce process.  To view our magazine please click the image below and enjoy.

 

I am a Grandparent and I am Awesome!

From the pages of Transitions Magazine

Grandparents have the power to help parents focus and be more resilient during the divorce process.  The tale of two grandparents shows how acts of kindness OR control can set the tone for how parents interact with one another.

THE TALE OF TWO GRANDPARENTS

I.

The Tale of the Over Protective Grandmother

 “I am taking my daughters side in this, no matter what.”  One Grandma exclaimed.  Her daughter Jodie had really gone through a lot with her husband John and it was finally time for all this nonsense to end.  Grandma saw the divorce as a time to get even with John for all the things he did against her family during his marriage to Jodie. “John does not need to see the kids until court” Grandma told Jodie “It’s better for them to start to move on with their life.”

Divorce was not something that Grandma was used to.  She and her husband had been married together for over three decades.  No one in her family had been divorced before.  Grandma thought little of John and was embarrassed that he had ever been in her family.

Grandma took her daughter to the law offices of a few attorneys she knew who were part of her congregation.  Grandma provided the retainer for the lawyer and gave him instructions on how she wanted her daughter’s divorce to proceed.

John was not allowed to either call or see his children until he obtained an attorney.   John found an attorney to fight for his rights.

II.

The New Age Grandfather

“Don’t think I’m taking sides between you two.”  Grandpa said.  “I’m here to make sure my grandkids are going to be okay and that’s it. John, when you are coming to town to visit you’re going to stay at my house and visit the kids.  It doesn’t make any sense for you to pay for a hotel when you have that child support obligation to pay.” Grandpa kept on, “Jodie if John’s over here I don’t want to hear you to arguing with one another, the kids do not hear all that.”  Grandpa continued “John, why aren’t you calling your kids during the week anyway?”

III.

The Power of a Grandparent

 Grandparents set a powerful tone for parents of divorce, especially when they are young parents.   Given the two tales presented, what type of Grandparent do you want to be?

Recommended Checklist for Grandparents

___           Take your grandchildren out for a night out.  Help them understand your role is to listen to their needs and not judge either parent.  Make sure to engage with them OUTSIDE the presence of their parents.

___           Call the other set of grandparents.  Help them understand you are here to solve problems not create them.  If you have pictures of your grandchildren NOW is a good time to share them.

___         Listen to both parents and try to understand where they are coming from.  What are their wants and needs?

____        Show the parents ways to problem solve through their issues.  Move the parents away from civil litigation, if at all possible.

____        Make sure to invite EITHER parent to sit with you during any activities that the child is involved in.  See your grandchild’s face when you are all sitting down together and supporting them.

____        I am a Grandparent and I am awesome!

Transition Magazine – Lets Go!

“Your never going to grow if you don’t go outside your comfort level.”  We took this saying to heart when Kids First Parents Second went and started developing a digital magazine to help parents transition through the divorce process.

Why call the magazine  “Transition?”  One basic reason, resiliency.  A person who is able to transition is able to be resilient and adapt to life’s changes.  We want divorcing families to be resilient.  We want parents to learn more effective ways of communicating with one another.  We want children to have RESOURCES to help them cope with the divorce.

When we created the magazine we did not want to be limited to just helping families of divorce.  “Transitions” will be a resource to help people become resilient in the face of great challenges.

We weren’t shy in asking professionals for help.  We have writers from Seattle, New York, New Jersey, Boston, Miami, Houston and Dallas.  We have writers from both the U.S. and the U.K..

There’s so much more to do.  If a magazine can affect change than lets go and start.  Thank you for reading and we hope you’ll be excited as we are about where this is headed.

 

Matt Sossi