When exorcisms go wrong….

fightDuring civil litigation parents are directed into the courtroom because there is a need to fight over the issues at hand.   Parents at this point spew every fear, negative fact and bad act the other parent has engaged in.  Perception vs. reality, fear vs. fact.  Its viewed by many in the legal profession as cathartic expression.  Parents need to get these feelings off their chest.

For the day that parent might feel better.  Heck for the day that parent may just get the relief they were entitled to.   But where did we leave the parents?  Did we make the situation in the future better or worse? What will be the reaction taken by the other parent?  Positive or negative?

Cathartic expressions should be to fellow family members, to mental health professionals office OR to the mediator handling your case. Why you ask?  So the other parent doesn’t have to hear every thought and concern that you have.  So therapeutic direction and a little OBJECTIVITY can be provided.

sole custody

A courtroom setting does not provide the intended benefit one seeks when they release their divorce demons.  A courtroom setting ONLY enables or empowers the divorcing parent to stay in the moment, to express why they are right and the other parent wrong.  A judge of course must validate one person’s concerns over the others.  A court ultimately makes one parent right, the other wrong.

It is no surprise that parents who engage in continuous conflict at the courthouse become changed beings, ones that are filled with hatred, fear and disgust.

So if catharsis is an exorcism, consider a court room setting a failed exorcism, one in which we make the parent WORSE and not BETTER.

 

One thought on “When exorcisms go wrong….

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