“Every child is affected by divorce. Every single one. Every child will have short term and long term affects after their parents divorce. Parents should stop getting divorced and start learning how to get along with one another.”
Well that’s just WRONG!
We know that not all children are negatively affected by divorce. That fact is a good thing, its assuring. Getting to the facts is the best way for you to actually help your child.
SO WHAT HURTS KIDS?
When you don’t see your child, well that hurts.
When you say mean things about their other parent. What do you think that says about themselves?
Putting your children in the middle. How does your child benefit from this type of conflict?
All these children want
Is that you focus on their needs when you are with them. That you treat each other with respect and not fight in front of them. Kids just need love and assurance. Kids need to know that they can love each of their parents.
So while divorce doesn’t hurt these kids, your conflict with your child’s other parent is. Your conflict is going to be the only thing that is going to cause your children to have short term and long term problems.
Alfred Hitchcock’s theme song music was the perfect compliment to our latest project. Watch our new youtube video and see how we get a simple message through to parents!
As the parents get ready to talk this child thinks one thing….”This is NOT going to be good!”
Many parents simply do not want to talk to their ex. It’s painful, its hurtful. It should be no surprise that parents fall into three common traps that lead to unnecessary conflict.
#1. Failure to Listen
Parents become inflexible with one another over the basic issues. Parents find themselves simply not listening to what their child’s other parent has to say.
#2. Failure to Filter:
Parents going through their divorce will take every opportunity to tell each other exactly what is on their mind. Many parents will make these statements within ear shot of their children
#3. Fight fight fight
Every difference of opinion, every misunderstanding presents the opportunity for a fight.
So do you run to the Courthouse to ask a judge whose right?
Or do you visit with your attorney and mhp to work through your problems?……….
What makes better sense? Will you choose a conflict or team based approach to your divorce.
[An excerpt from our 2016 On Line Parenting Course on Udemy – Dignity in Divorce]
Remember that parents often fall into conflict because of three basic things: 1. Failure to be flexible, 2. Failure to filter and 3. The need to fight fight fight. Parents need help from time to time with learning effective communication techniques. Many parents truly need the help of mental health professionals (mhp’s) during a divorce.
Mhp’s play an extremely important part in the way many divorce cases are resolved. This fact is true whether or not the case is resolved through the traditional courtroom approach OR whether the parents engage in a team based approach. Parents need to understand that the mhp’s ability to offer aid is impacted on their choice of how their case is resolved.
Through conflict, parents look to resolve the divorce dispute by identifying the issues in controversy. Parents bring their best facts to light in an attempt to sway the finder of fact to rule in their favor. Parents present their “best facts” to a mhp to obtain the most favorable result. The mhp provides an opinion on what the outcome should be, in otherwords the end result. The parent who does not get the favorable outcome EITHER accepts the results OR goes to court and attacks the opinion of the mph.
Through a team based approach, parents are looking for a solution to their problem. Mental health professionals are able to do what they are truly trained for, which is to help provide therapeutic relief. While parents may want to put their best foot forward, the mhp can intercede and provide the honest advice that both parents need to help solve their problem. The mhp in the team based approach helps the parents through their journey to the solution. The mph can provide give and take solutions so both parents feel that they had a hand in the way their problem could be solved. The mhp provides a therapeutic ear, assistance and direction to parents under the team based model.
If conflict is not an absolute certainty, parents should consider the team based approach to maximize what the therapeutic assistance the mhp can offer.
Do we need winners and losers, or do we need parents to leave the family law system better able to meet the needs of their children?
We’ve met a lot of great people out there this year. People ready for change. Please support our mission to help reduce conflict in divorce. We have some great projects in motion but we are desperately need of your continued support to take our concepts and make them reality. Please click on our donate link and send us a donation! All donors will automatically become members of Kids First Parents Second, just send us a comment with your email!
Kids First Parents Second
Kids First Parents Second is proud to announce that we have been recognized as a 501c3 nonprofit. One of our chief missions is to help educate parents as to the CHOICES they have if they are ever faced with divorce. To achieve this mission I’m asking for your help.
Parents listen to peers, and parents listen to leaders. We want to hear your success stories, we want to hear what advice you would give divorcing parents.
We are going to be compiling the best stories in our Kids First Parent Second divorce education CD. A few words will change peoples lives.
Kids First Parents Second