The ten steps parents go through when they get divorced.
#1. Stop communications with their ex.
#2. Hire a attorney.
#3. Work out a game plan (what do you want from this lawsuit).
#4. Build their case (pinpoint strengths and ex’s weaknesses)
#5. Prepare for temporary orders
#6. Perhaps take a court ordered class (by yourself) about the effects of divorce on children.
#7. Prepare for mediation
#8. Mediate their case/Talk in separate rooms. Mediator offers ways in which case can be settled.
#8. Resolve the case OR pursue the case in open court
#9. Resume life post divorce.
#10. Find themselves obligated to communicate with their ex about their child’s needs.
When the case files are closed we leave the parties to their own design and are surprised when parents can not work through issues together. We shake our heads when parents can not communicate without addressing the factors behind the WHY. We wonder HOW we can reduce conflict in divorce cases without addressing the basic needs of the person who is going through the divorce. i hope we can all agree that the basic divorce model does little to nothing in the way to help parents learn how to effectively communication issues PRIOR to the conclusion of their divorce. Educating on the need to communicate does little to help parents understand HOW to communicate.
Many people got divorced in the first place because they could not communicate with their ex (or chose not too). Most people simply do not know HOW to communicate with their ex. The parent’s inability to communicate costs the children who are affected by the divorce. Communication building needs to be a necessary component to the divorce process. What matters most to a child is the manner in which their parents interact with one another NOT necessarily the total number of days each parent is awarded. We should be promoting different ways to help parents effectively communicate and not continuing on a course to engage in a system that further alienates the parents from each other.