I hope Bob Dylan was wrong……

“Democracy don’t rule the world, You’d better get that in your head; This world is ruled by violence, But I guess that’s better left unsaid.”

Bob Dylan

As I sat back to back jury trials in February I remembered this famous quote from my idol, Bob Dylan.  We had just spent months and months of trying to get the parties to resolve their family law dispute.  The litigants were hell bent on going to court – hoping that conflict would get them the resolution they wanted.

Many litigants view the court system is seen a instrument for change.  Court proceedings are war, and the judge’s ruling grants preference to the best warring party.   The court would grant a winner and provide for a loser.  That’s what our client’s expect, this is the reality our client’s know, and to some extent, warmly embrace.

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.

Mahatma Gandhi

I constantly sit with attorney’s who wish to resolve their family law disputes differently, have been handling family law disputes for decades.  These attorney’s see the long term effects of disputes on their client’s and their children, and are normally quite critical of how the conflict model benefits both the parent’s and children of divorce long term.

In the natural world, Dylan will continue to be right, people relay on basic instincts to survive. It is up to us, advocates of cooperative parenting to create the community, the environment from which parent’s learn how to remove themselves from the conflict model to one in which they accept a team based approach.  When you think about it, law was designed to counter the normal rules of man and avoid chaos.

Grandparents – a child’s hero!

Grandparent’s usually find themselves in a difficult situation, not knowing what to do or how to act when their child gets divorced.  Grandparent’s constantly are lost on how they should act and interact with their former son or daughter in law.

Grandparent’s stop for a second and think.

Your grandchild needs a hero.  They need someone with super hearing who gives super advice.  Grandchildren need a hero who can walk into a room and clear the air between their two parents.  Their hero is selfless.  Their hero takes on the role of being the child’s biggest defender.  A child’s hero rescues them from anxiety, sadness and perhaps even depression.  A child’s hero makes sure to take their grandchildren out for ice cream to provide comfort and support.

Your grandchild does not need someone to judge their mom or their dad.  Your grandchild doesn’t need you to say bad things one of their parent’s.  Remember you want to be a super hero, not someone who makes the situation worse than it already is.

Exercising your superpowers places you in a position of power.  You are the voice of reason and you are the one who sets the rules on how parent’s will interact with one another.

At the end of the day your grandchild is able to cope through the divorce because you were there.  Setting an example of how to act ALSO sends a powerful message to one and all.

Brought to you by Kids First Parents Second.