March 2015 KFPS NEWSLETTER
Welcome one and all to Kids First Parents Second. In March of 2015 we take another step to building public awareness that KFPS is here to help families minimize conflict.
We are beginning our Parent’s KFPS class in March of 2015. Our parent’s will be working with us to learn the KFPS system and complete their 50 page interactive parents focused manual.
Classes will begin at 5:00 p.m. and end at 6:30 p.m. Tuesday, Wednesday’s and Thursdays in March of 2015. We would ask you to contact Robin at 210-224-1667 to sign up for our seminar.
Our children’s seminars will continue to be run on Saturdays from 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m… We will be performing a graduation ceremony for each child who attends two of our KFPS children’s meetings.
Next up for KFPS?
We are developing situation cards for our kids based on our children’s books. Helping kids think through different situations will help these kids learn how to cope.
It is our hope that parents will use all of our materials to help our kids BENEFIT from the KFPS program.
Through the advice and requests of our friends we are developing a training manual to help local kids groups, parent facilitators, parent coordinators learn the KFPS way. We should be announcing our KFPS training seminars for the fall of 2015.
We invite you to join our Kids First Parents Second linked in group. Joining the group is free and will give you the opportunity to download and review the various products that make up KFPS.
We are most excited about the upcoming New Orleans AFCC seminar in May of 2015. KFPS will be there sharing both its parent’s and children products with one and all. We will be sharing our new kids cards with one and all when we arrive in New Orleans!
SPECIAL THANKS: Goes to Dr. Mansoullo who took time out of her extremely schedule to meet and share her thoughts about the program.
KFPS parent books
Chapter Three: Choose your words carefully
While it is true that sticks and bones can break your bones, words can also irritate you to no end. Who doesn’t remember a mean word an ex said, when it was said, and who heard it? Normally, your response to the words uttered is negative, and you pine for the day when appropriate words can be said in return. The back and forth remarks between parents create a cycle that is repeated again and again.
On your end, take responsibility of your actions. If all you can say to your ex are four letter words and insults—stop talking. If you feel the urge to vent your anger, go to the gym or take a walk.
After your divorce, the only things that you should be talking to your ex about are issues concerning the child, not things that occurred during the marriage and certainly not your feelings.
If you can avoid constant communication, you have the best chance of focusing all interactions on the needs of your child. Limiting interaction also allows you to be patient and courteous enough that you will not regret the manner in which you talk to your ex. Find a way to share information; parent portals or programs such as Family Wizard significantly lessen the need for you to interact with your ex.
Sending messages by email is a great way to be direct and concise when communicating with an ex. If you find yourself typing some ridiculous rant, go ahead and type away, just remember to hit the delete button. Remember, all your ex needs is information, so send your ex the true contents of whatever information you need relayed and walk away from the computer.
Sometimes it is also beneficial to have a programmed response if you do have to talk directly to your ex. You certainly would never get in trouble with saying, “How’s the weather?” Or, “How’s your mom and dad doing?” In other words, have a programmed statement you will say in your head and use to avoid saying something stupid that might create unnecessary conflict.
After the divorce is immediately over, learn ways to share information without directly talking to your ex. Providing passwords to parent portals and providing school or sport event information through email or text message in advance of scheduled events will lessen the need to talk with your ex. If you can create some distance between yourself and your ex, you should also be able to lessen the irritation you feel when dealing with him or her. Reducing your irritation should allow you to be more effective in communicating with your ex and allow you to focus more on the needs of your children.
Coordinating pickup and drop off from school and to school might be another way to lessen communication between you. A father might need to talk to his ex-wife less if he can decipher from the teacher the tasks the child faces and what he needs to do. A father might also be more objective in understanding problems that his child is facing at school by having him talk directly with the child’s teacher. Less interaction means less conflict.
Limited interaction is best in a hostile breakup because your children will see how you react with the other parent, and if it is negative, they will be affected negatively by it. If your child sees that you hate your ex, what is the message you think you are sending? Will your child take your ex’s side and think that you are the true reason why you no longer are a family? Will your child take your side and believe that it is acceptable to hate your ex? There is no positive side effect for your children watching you have a confrontational relationship with your ex.
On this note, refrain from making negative comments about your ex in your child’s presence. You are guaranteed to accomplish three things when you disparage your ex in front of your child: 1) You will create distance between you and your child, 2) You will negatively affect your life-long relationship with your child; and 3) You will negatively affect your child’s ability to be happy and grow to his or her truest potential.
When your child criticizes your ex, say something like, “Your mother loves you and she does the very best she can for you.” Remain consistent and never stray from this advice. Let your child find his or her own relationship with your ex and let them be at peace with it. Let that be the end of it.
The A-Z guide to Cooperative Parenting
We have created an environment that is neutral to both parent’s. We ask you to respect yourselves and respect your child when you arrive at the facility. Our classes are in English only at present.
|KFPS March 2015 Newsletter
By Matt Sossi Becky Sossi and Robin Pittman
6800 PARK TEN BLVD #232-E