In the middle of a contested custody case, a dad chimed testified that “the kids are resilient, they’ll be just fine.” The dad was referring to the fact that the kids would naturally rebound after the parent’s nasty custody case. There was little need for parent coordinators, parent facilitator’s, no need for anyone to help these kids cope.
In the short term, I imagine that the dad will be totally correct, the child will not exhibit dramatic differences in behavior. Conflict doesn’t hurt kids, EVERYONE just moves onward and forward with their lives. EVERYONE seemed to agree and the case moved on.
Anyone agreeing with conflict style of parenting must hold onto these beliefs like a child hold’s onto a blanket.
Parent’s need to stop thinking that conflict does not hurt their children. Why? Well over the long term lets go with the law of probable events that follow. Over the long term when the child gets older EVERYONE will be surprised at the level of anger this child would have and wonder why. Later the child would reach an adult EVERYONE will agree that the young adult’s problems were a byproduct of their troubled child hood because their parents couldn’t get along.
You can also see that EVERYONE seems to have extreme differences of opinion as time goes on.
Parent’s need to start believing that their children SUFFER MORE than they do. If you don’t address a child’s anxiety, their grief or sense of loss how surprised should we be when they grow up angry and disillusioned. Parent’s need to start believing that their continued custody fight PROBABLY will mean trouble for their children in the long term.
If we can create an environment where EVERYONE is on the same page from day one, maybe we can HELP these parent’s understand that children ARE NOT that resilient, and that they need our help. Maybe EVERYONE can get these parent’s to the correct professionals who can help their kids BEFORE there are profound long term consequences.
Does EVERYONE Agree with me?