KIDS FIRST PARENTS SECOND JANUARY 2015 NEWSLETTER
We have begun our kids seminar’s with great success. We are now in the process of learning, educating ourselves based on the reactions we observed from both children and parents of the project.
So we have our first official pat on the back. The question for KFPS is what’s next? We discovered a few things by reviewing the work of both Duncan Fisher and Emma Cohan. Both of these fine individuals are leading the charge in England on helping kids cope with divorce. England has recognized that they must direct resources to help kids whose parents have divorce.
Duncan Fisher has come up with an idea of integrating social media platform to getting kids of divorce to share their views and opinions. Kids will share songs, poems, on line. For pre-teen and early teenagers, I believe Duncan’s vision will be the ultimately be the approach to giving older kids a forum express/manage their feelings.
Emma Cohan is in the midst of preparing a program in England to help their younger kids cope with divorce. It was refreshing to talk to Ms. Cohan who had the idea of creating COUPONS for kids. In Ms. Cohen’s setup, kids would get a free coupon to receive a kid should they be having a down day.
It’s interesting, or perhaps sad, that Emma’s has yet to receive the funding needed to launch her program. We wish her and Duncan all the best in their current efforts.
We used the coupon concept shops and added a few of our own ideas. First, kids received a kids night out coupon. Second, kids received a kids pass. Kids loved the idea of a kids night out, a night just for them, free of divorce conflict. Kids also loved the idea that they would have the right to see mom or dad when it was not their scheduled time. Parent’s (at least our parents) liked the idea of giving their kids some control over how they could manage their day to day lives during and after divorce. So coupons, who knew?
Parents, we invite you to visit our website at kidsfirstparentssecond.org.
Professionals, we invite you to visit our word press site at mattsossi.com and join our sound off blog.
Little Fruit Phone Home- Matt and Becky Sossi
Release- Spring 2015
Little Fruit Phone Home is the second book of our little kids big challenge series.
In Little Fruit Phone Home, our main characters are divorced and living in separate homes. When mom tries to call little fruit at dad’s house she finds out that he’s not so willing to talk on the phone. Little Fruit in fact complains about how dad makes him do the dishes, clean his room and clean his clothes. Little fruit wonders when he will see his mom and what they will soon do. Mom reminds little fruit that chores are things that are done at both mom and dads. Mom also tells little fruit that she will soon be seeing little fruit and that they will have fun, at their new home or at the local zoo.
Later little fruit goes over to Mom’s house and gets a call from his Dad. Little fruit first complains to his Dad about how unfair life is at Mom’s. When little fruit’s dad supports mom’s position, little fruit demands to know why his parent’s divorced anyway.
Little fruit goes over to his grandma’s house totally lost. Grandma talks to little fruit about the need to share his thoughts. Grandma explains that it is hard at times to express one’s feelings. Grandma gives advice to little fruit on how to communicate and express himself. Little fruit thanks his grandma, telling her “Remember I’m just a kid, and kids need to know that they are safe so they can grow, grow, grow grow!”
The book’s purpose is to help kids understand that too will be lost in the emotional upheaval of their parent’s divorce. Kids will need to know who to turn to so they can be given directions so they can focus on how they are truly feeling.
The book’s secondary purpose is to help parent’s and grandparent’s understand a few things. Number one, kids of divorce are affected greatly by their parent’s divorce. Number two, kids may not be able to simply talk through their feelings to their parent’s about the divorce. Number Three: Grandparent’s need to understand that they can be that special person their grandkids can turn to and provide much needed direction and guidance.
It is our hope that our books will help kids learn how to express themselves after divorce. It is also out hope that our books will help kids learn to locate that one safe person they can talk to share their feelings.
Excerpt: The A-Z guide to Cooperative Parenting
Matt Sossi J.D. (Available for Purchase at Amazon.com)
Chapter One: Avoid useless conflict
Many divorced parents fall into adversarial relationships with their ex-spouses because they simply lack sufficient training to learn how to effectively communicate. Blindly following your court order most likely will not allow you to resolve every potential conflict that you and your ex will face as your child grows and develops over time. Effective communication skills is a learned process and may even require the assistance of counselor’s and/or psychologists.
It is important to address the many factors that incite conflict. The most common reason for conflict is that the parties lack emotional closure. Conflict is created as a means by which these people interact and attempt to assert power over the other.
People also will not abandon conflict because of their stubborn need to be right. Some individuals are so entrenched in the notion that they are right that they abandon reason and effective compromise over disputes regarding their children. Disputes are assessed by wins or losses, and not by what action needed to be done to address the child’s needs.
Conflict hurts kids both in the short and long term. Children emotional development will suffer if parent’s can not agree to resolve their differences. Children will suffer anxiety, low self esteem and depression when parent’s go to war. Children from combative divorce parent’s will have trouble maintaining healthy relationships, effecting their abilities to be happy and loved.
Prolonged conflict comes at a great personal cost. Your individual cost may also include potentially losing your relationship with your children over the long term. Simply put, there is no benefit to maintaining a course that puts you in constant conflict with your ex.
It is important to learn how to cooperate and effectively handle disputes between you and your ex from the onset. People who have experienced years of constant conflict feel trapped and saddened by the entire experience, understanding too late the cost of their actions.
If you want to remove continuous conflicts with your ex, change what you are doing and how you are acting. Remember the reason why you divorced in the first place. Why put yourself in a situation that creates the very conflict you swore that you would never go back to?
So, in a nutshell, avoid useless conflict. When presented with a situation, use every opportunity you have to be the deal maker, not the deal breaker.