Helping Kids mourn the loss of a failed marriage

If your a follower of our blog you must be a believer that kids need resources to help cope with their parent’s divorce.   You also must be frustrated by the lack of resources these kids have.

We are in essence giving kids the same resources they would otherwise receive if they were to suffer the death of a loved one.  Is this an extreme position to take, perhaps, but only to a degree.  Think of it, I’m a kid, I’m like five and my parent’s no longer are together – that’s an end to a world that i know – an end that’s not exactly coming back to life anytime soon.   A child will go through emotional stages handling this loss.

So what do we do?  Well if we have these kids make collages, build photo albums, we are sending a message to the kids – remember the good times, enjoy the memories of when mom and dad were together.  You may not love your ex spouse anymore but your kids most certainly do.

Younger children ages 4-6 may simply need reassurance, and some one to talk to about questions they have.  Older kids 7-11 will have to deal with being angry, sad or generally lost.  Different strategies need to be created for different cognitive abilities.  Older kids’ should be able to VOICE their concerns…..preteens and teenagers will be able to, with the correct direction, provide powerful messages about how divorce has affected their life.

Allow your kids the ability to express themselves so they can reflect.  You want these kids to have time to put this event in it’s proper place so they have a way to adjust and move forward.

Take the time out and make this a priority with your kids.  Its not that hard and it might just get you to FOCUS and understand that your ex, is a vital part of your kids life.

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