In building our divorce kids workshops – it hit me. Kids are going to come to the workshop with a sense of guilt, thinking they had something to do with their parents divorce. Time to think cause and effect.
We can never get rid of an emotional reaction that a child has to a traumatic event. In the short term kids are going to feel how they will, we can’t tell them their feelings are wrong. Parent’s need to figure out the best strategy to move their kids from this feeling.
What we can provide a coping skill to the child is through cause and effect.
1. Show your child a picture of a their dirty room and he or she will know whether or not they CAUSED that. I caused my room to be dirty, because I didn’t clean it or because I didn’t put up my toy’s.
2. Show your child a picture of a child crying when their ice cream fell on the ground. Why did the ice cream fall? Your child may be able to give you several factors why this happened. They were running or simply not paying attention.
3. Why did your favorite baseball player hit the home run. Did you have anything to do to cause that? In this scenario your child will have to admit someone else doing something, whether good or bad, to cause that ball from going out of the park.
Cause and effect teaches kids that there are things that are totally outside of their control. Cause and effect may just be the coping skill that gets your child out of feeling that they were responsible for causing their parents divorce.