Today like any day I walked into the local courthouse. Just like any other day I went to the computer room to print out motions that needed to be filed for the day. Waiting in the conferring room were litigants waiting to hear from their lawyers as to how they would handle their family law matters.
So far, so good, I remained in a halfway decent mood moving from the printer to the hallway. Then, of course, I heard it. The magic catch phrase that ticks me off to no end. “I just want to see the judge.” There was no thought of talking through her problem, no effort to attempt to reach a solution. I want to see the judge was the beginning/and ending of the conversation.
First thought, ignorant. Judge’s are there as a measure of last resort – if you can not resolve your problems. Does anyone truly believe that a Judge will be there to resolve all of your life’s problems? There are no smart buttons that exist to ease all your troubles away.
Second thought, lazy. The thought is there is no need to make an effort to try to resolve conflict – other’s will do it for me. When in your life will that ever be true? So sure, create the problem and take no responsibility to resolve your own mess. Make a an offer, listen, do something!
Third thought, bad parenting. Kids look to parent’s for direction. When parent’s divorce, the one thing kids fear is extended conflict. So this mom gives her kid no way out – just an expectation that there is some stranger dictating their fate.
Guess what, we have exes – at least most of us do. Many of us don’t like our ex’s – so what. Our job as parent’s is to try and keep conflict at a minimum. Get it, got it, good!