Helping kids in blended families

I just made tomato sauce tonight by blending tomatoes with red peppers.  I placed my ingredients in the blender, put the mixer on and presto change, I had my tomato sauce.  The blender acted like a smart button, a quick fix.

If we were going to describe how to make a blended family, I would suggest that its better to stir and not try for a quick fix by blending the various brother’s, step-sisters, step brother’s together.  In fact, blending a “family” might just be in a recipe for disaster.

The statistics sadly establish that divorce rates for second or third marriages being substantially higher than for first marriages.  It tells me that parent’s need a better understanding of exactly what awaits them when families attempt to blend.  So taking your fiancée’s kids out to the movies a few times might not be the “bonding” experience you need prior to walking down the aisle.

Adam Sandler’s Movie about blended families was met with harsh criticism.  Why? Because it was unrealistic or because it struck a nerve?  At least throughout the movie the character’s made sure to learn to identify with their sweetheart’s kids and relate to them.  The characters in the movie found ways to support each other and create a family structure.  So for 2 hours you spent at the movies, you learned a few things about how complicated and time consuming it takes to blend a new family structure.

So parent’s, perhaps the best thing to do is to find activities that help your kids n stepkids bond. 

If your kids like to cook make a cake, get all the kids involved by bringing eggs, sugar or cake mix to the table.  Baking a cake may make everyone understand ingredients work together and create something wonderful. 

Maybe if the kids like sports you playing together on a team, so all the kids know to support each other and work together towards a common goal.

Kids will need help dealing with how they will share the time they had with their parent, and in how they are to interact with their new step brother’s and step sisters.   Counseling may be the best way to help figure out the nuances of your new family structure.

If you understand the difficulties that lay ahead, you will have at least educated yourself to what lies ahead.  So start stirring and take time to create your new family!





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