A large percentage of my writings focus on parent’s need to learn better communication techniques so conflicts can be resolved. I will tell you that if you cannot trust someone you can never ever truly begin to communicate with them. The definition of trust according to Webster is assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. The million dollar question is if you couldn’t trust someone enough to stay married to them, how can you trust with them now? How then can you communicate with them?
If you share one connection with your ex, it is the children you love. You both want the best for your children. You both would sacrifice your personal happiness to ensure that the child’s needs are met. If you can build off that one common denominator you will have a chance to trust and be trusted. To gain the other’s trust you first must show a willingness to accept the other parent and the positive influence they have on your children. Focus primarily on the needs of your child when dealing with your ex.
Trust will not come free it will have to be earned. You will have to continue to show the other parent that you respect their role in your children’s lives. You will have to stay true to your word. You will have to respect both your ex’s concerns as well as their wishes. Focus on what your child’s needs are. Be a better parent than you were a husband or wife.
Remember that fault in the breakup of the relationship is, in large part, irrelevant. You and your ex’s past history matters little. You will need to clean the slate to a degree. Your children hopefully will never know the reasons why you and your ex failed as a couple. That being said, your children WILL ALWAYS remember how you and your ex interacted when they were growing up and they will be a byproduct of your love or of your hatred for one another.
Matt Sossi @kidsfirstparentssecond.org