Hate conflict – conflict hurts kids: Excerpt from A-Z Guide to Cooperative Parenting

Prolonged conflict is like a cancer to your emotional state. If you cannot get a grip on how to handle disputes, the conflicts between you and your ex will only fester and grow. Conflicts will cause you sleepless nights and years and years of anger and hurt. Unresolved conflict with your ex will affect your ability to have successful future relationships with others. Put another way, there is no benefit to unresolved conflict.

Don’t just hate conflict—despise it. Consider unresolved conflict with your ex as a personal failure and hold yourself accountable for it. Believe in the mantra that lack of communication is the origin of all disputes. When conflict arises, look at it like an insurance agent would look at an accident; analyze who is at fault and how the damage took place.

Avoid any sort of advice from people who have nothing but negative comments about your ex. Avoid the people who speak negatively about your ex in front of your child. Obviously, this does your child little good to hear someone else belly ache about your ex. The important focus must be on how to deal with this person and how can continue to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Before disputes become bitter conflicts involving lawyers and courtrooms, attempt to communicate with your ex. If that fails, attempt to work through a third person who can help resolve the issue. Therapists who have training in cooperative parenting might be able to offer alternative solutions to your problem or might provide guidance that can help you resolve disputes. If that cannot work, ask your attorney if you can attend mediation and attempt to resolve the dispute there. It is only at that point should you feel the need to take the reluctant step of entering into a contest with your ex.      Matt Sossi #kidsfirstparentssecond

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