Go with the Flow, See where it takes you – Excerpt from A-Z guide to Cooperative Parenting

Go with the flow, see where it takes you.

Up until your divorce there was a certain routine to your life.  Many parent’s routine during the marriage was spent addressing the needs of your children.  Your children needed to wake up, get dressed, and be ready for the events of the day.  Perhaps both you and your ex’s work schedule rotated around these needs.

Being divorced does not mean that your children’s daily needs change.  Regardless of what time you have with your children you will make sure that they are fed, have fun and get ready for the day’s events.  If you focus on maintaining the children’s routines, as best as you can, you and your ex can work through an agreement that best PROMOTES that routine.

Going with the flow prevents you and your ex from rewriting the ways in which the children are used to interacting with their mom and their dad.  There will obviously be need for changes but the idea remains the same.   If you are the mom or dad who coaches their children in soccer, basketball or baseball, you should be allowed to continue that.   If you are the mom or dad who has always taken the children to church you should be allowed to do that as well.  Your right to engage in the activities your children loved to share with you should not be interrupted simply because of your ex’s visitation schedule. 

Going with the flow and maintaining the activities you enjoyed sharing with your children should go a long way to minimizing conflict with your ex. Focus on the ways in which your ex best interact with your children and you will be rewarded for it.  Remember that your child has been significantly impacted by your divorce.  Staying within a certain schedule creates a consistency in the child’s life and much needed stability.  

 

Matt Sossi @kidsfirstparentssecond.org 

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